Bonus Post-Confessions of a Disgruntled Fan

I took The Heir and The Spare to the movies with the intention of taking one for the team and suffering through the Jonas Brothers movie. Luckily, it was sold out. The Spare's birthday is next weekend so I know I'll have to suck it up and go. The only other movie playing that we hadn't seen yet was Confessions of a Shopaholic. Now, I've read this entire series. I love, love, love the Shopaholic books. When the trailers started coming out I was very excited. That is until I found out some of the plot changes that were made. I had no intention of seeing it out of protest but decided to go anyway to see just what they did to the book. I cannot believe Sophie Kinsella agreed to this horrible movie. Confessions of a Shopaholic is an outstanding book. I would think it would have been very easy to adapt such a well-written manuscript to the big screen. But, this movie is so far removed from the plot of the book it's a whole different story entirely. The only resemblance to the book is the title, the names of the male and female lead characters and the magazine she works for. Everything else was a horrid mess. What a crying shame!! Confessions of a Shopaholic (the movie) equals big time FAIL!!

Mandatory Exile

It should be obvious by now to anyone reading this blog that I'm not one to beat around the bush. I speak my mind and don't make any apologies for it. I'm not modest in the least, which is a character trait that is most definitely not befitting a Princess.  I have been suffering this week through that most horrible of monthly afflictions, as is the norm for most of the female population. This is not something I enjoy in the least and not having to suffer through this monthly torture was the one thing I loved most about being pregnant. For the most part I would say I'm pretty lucky. I'm never inconvenienced for more than 3 days. I usually get a massive zit somewhere on my face a couple days before which lets me know the time is near. And, once a year I skip a month completely. What I have found as I've gotten older is I'm a lot more moody then I was when I was young. When you're a single girl the monthly mood swings are no big deal. The only people affected are The Heir and The Spare. But, things are different now that there's someone else sharing my day-to-day existence. I've warned him about my unexpected moods and advised a serious effort at thinking before speaking to ward off any unnecessary drama. It's inevitable that something will go wrong. I think it's wise to impose a mandatory exile on myself the next time around to avoid any misunderstandings in the future. Hopefully, our future castle will be big enough to accommodate my self-imposed exile or I can learn to rein in my own crazy emotions long enough to sail through next month's 3-day hell with no serious casualties.  With the "Other Beauty" there's always a learning curve involved, that's what makes me so much fun to live with and love.

This Week on The Sister Grows Up

Nothing make a Princess more humble than humiliation.

Warp Speed, Mr. Sulu!

How do you know if something is moving too fast or too slow? What are the rules that define it and who made them? I was enjoying the last hours of the evening on the balcony of my royal bedchamber a little while ago when this very dilemma fell into my lap. As you might expect, my sister SB came in with another story about one of her girl friends. You would think the fact that I was stretched out on my chaise, listening to music on my iPod and watching the sunset would clue her in that I wasn't interested. These obvious details are lost on my darling sister. It seems that her friend, Belle, has decided that life in her castle has gotten to be too much for her. She's left her hairy Prince and moved in to one of the smaller places they have on the seashore. I had no idea this was going on, which is not surprising since I don't pay much attention to the royal tabloids. Apparently, they've been separated for awhile and she's met someone else. All of this is very intriguing to me since I've been single for awhile. I'll admit to taking a little perverse pleasure in seeing my sister's friends suffer. They're all so perfect and it's kind of sickening sometimes. It seems that Belle and this guy have only been together a short time and things are moving quickly. My sister thinks she's making a mistake but I disagree. If you love someone then time doesn't matter. How can you put a time line on feelings? If you know then you know it's just that simple. According to Sleeping Beauty that's just not how a relationship works. There must be courtship and flowers. Lots of longing looks at each other and hand holding. I say if your stomach falls to the floor every time he looks at you and you can't stop thinking about him even on your boring drive to work then time be damned, you're in love.  It would seem that Belle would agree with me. As soon as her divorce is final she's marrying the new guy. Of all my sister's stuck-up princess friends I always did like that Belle the best.

Down For The Count

Due to the fact that the author of this blog has been awake for close to 40 hours straight, The Life and Times of Sleeping Beauty's Sister will be on hiatus for the next 24 hours. To all my loyal readers out there, cut a Princess some slack. I'm exhausted! We will return to our regularly scheduled blog post tomorrow night.

Spring Has Sprung!

This is my favorite time of the year. I know the weather stinks and everything is still dead from the long winter, but the reason I love this time of year so much is slowly starting to trickle in to my mailbox. The Spring Fashion issues of all my favorite magazines are finally making their appearance. I subscribe to 10 different fashion magazines. Yes, there are that many different fashion magazines and I loyally read each and every one. The two biggest and best are the Spring and Fall fashion issues. They both come at the perfect time of the year. I can always tell when they're going to arrive because I get very dirty looks from the mail carrier. In case you're wondering why the mail carrier has such hostility towards me at this time of year take a quick trip to your local bookstore and look at one of these suckers. At their smallest they're two inches thick, Vogue is easily five inches alone. Get two of these babies in one mail delivery and you're talking serious back strain. I can vividly remember one Fall getting four at one time and a rotten egg tossed at my car. Oh well. I never start reading them until all of my little babies have arrived safely at my doorstep. Then, I search out a quiet part of the castle and settle down with a couple bottles of water and huge stacks of all my faves. I could loose myself for hours in the pages, staring dreamily at a beautiful Galliano or Dolce & Gabbana confection. Imagining what my less than dainty feet might look like in Manolo's newest Spring delight. Each page is an exquisite work of art waiting for me to devour its every detail. I always save the beauty sections for last. There is nothing that pleases me more than seeing the new colors for Spring or the latest beauty must-have that I can promise will most definitely end up on my makeup table. It's a sweet escape from my mundane and boring existence. Today the last of my treasures arrived in my mailbox and now they all sit on my beside table mocking me until I can find a couple hours to myself to enjoy them. I wonder how long I can tie up the Heir and Spare before someone notices they're missing?

Changing A Life's Path

Have you ever stopped to think how you can change a person's life? What kind of impact do you actually have on another person? As a parent, you hope that you can impart some kind of wisdom on your children that will enable them to reach heights they never knew were possible. One small opportunity could change their entire existence. That is a parent's job and we do it gladly. But, what about those people you come in contact with that are only in your life for a brief period of time? Is it possible to impact one person so drastically that their life's path takes a detour never expected? Is it possible to open up a person to a different reality simply by being carefree and uninhibited in your own life? The potential is so great as well as the pressure of knowing just how much you have changed that person. We spend so much of our time figuring out our own way and looking back at the ways we failed, we never think for a moment about the positive impact we can have on another simply by being in their lives. When you are finally blessed with that knowledge it throws your whole life into a new perspective. You think back to that season of your life when that person was an intimate part of your existence. At the time it never crosses your mind that the way you live your life is slowly opening that person up to something else. They try so hard to live the life that is expected of them until you step in and shake it all up. In hindsight, it's a relief you don't know what you're doing. Knowing how much influence you hold can backfire. I've looked at pictures from my past and see a young girl full of promise and hope for the future. I was a free spirit in my teens and never gave a second thought to the world's perception of my grungy exterior and boundless optimism. I lived my life and had fun. Little did I know how that outlook on life could change another's so completely. To think I had absolutely no idea at the time continues to amaze me, to be blessed with that knowledge now has given me something to be proud of. It's a little scary because you wonder if that change in direction was for the best, maybe that's why most people never know the truth. But, you find out that even though there were still bumps along that new road the amazing experiences far out weigh the challenges. The life you changed is full of so many things that they otherwise would have never imagined trying and all you did was love unconditionally and wear a lot of tie-dyes.

In The Arms of Someone You Love

There's nothing like being in the arms of someone you love. In the early hours of the morning when you can hear the silence all around and see the moonlight streaming between the blinds, the security of those arms is soothing. If you close your eyes and listen closely you can hear his soft breathing as he sleeps. His scent envelopes you as closely as his arms. His fingers entwine with yours as he pulls you closer to him. Later he'll admit to you that he can't sleep well at all if you're not close to him. The thought that your mere presence is enough to soothe him always brings a smile. A glance at the clock reveals that, sadly, the minutes are ticking way too quickly toward dawn. The only comfort in the sad reality of morning is the fact that night will come again and you'll be back in those warm and comforting arms. Knowing they're waiting for you makes the day go by so much faster.

A Knight in Shining Armor

Men are so increasingly adorable sometimes. It's always endearing to watch what lengths a man will go to take care of his woman. It could be something big like knocking around the jerk in the bar who's being really rude or something as small as picking up a pen that she dropped. What's even sweeter is how frustrated he gets when he can't do something as simple as putting on a wiper blade. That look of defeat that flits across his face ever so quickly. The sideways glance to make sure you didn't notice. Then, a renewed determination to get that darn wiper blade attached or break the damn thing trying. You try not to notice as he works so hard, before ever so gently pointing out that reading the directions would have probably been a good idea. You can't help but smile at how proud he is with himself when he finally gets the job done.  We girls enjoy that they want to protect us from everything. Sure, we pride ourselves on being strong and independent. But, from time to time, it's nice to have the simple things taken care of. Personally, I quite enjoy being spoiled in that way. I'm not the kind of girl to get herself dirty with car grease. Heck, I don't even enjoy pumping my own gas. I am a princess after all. I find myself quite impressed with a man that is wise in the ways of car maintenance and is handy with the tools. It's terribly sexy if I do say so myself. My sister's idea of sexy is the way her Prince wears his crown. Not me, give me a strong man who's good with his hands any day. I may have Royal blood in my veins but I'll take a blue-collar man every time.

Tying the Knot

I received a frantic and excited phone call from Sleeping Beauty today. It turns out that her best friend, Cindy's step-sister is going to be married. Now, for those who don't know the story, Cindy's step-sister is no great catch. The fact that anyone wants to marry that girl is as shocking as the day our family friend, Jasmine found out that her guy was actually a street rat and not a high falutin' Sheikh. Of course, I had to listen to my sister and Cindy, who was on conference call, begin to gush about their own royal weddings. They both had huge affairs that were the talk of the their respective kingdoms. I swear for about 30 minutes they both forgot I was even on the line. Ever the tactful sister, Sleeping Beauty reminded Cindy that, naturally, Other Beauty didn't have a big wedding the first time out. She said in a non-whisper that I didn't marry someone with a high enough station to warrant the expense. I laughed. But, it got me to thinking about what I would do if I had the opportunity for another go round. When a girl reaches a certain age and decides to re-marry it's not expected that they would throw a big blow out. I don't necessarily think that's very fair. I mean, honestly, if I didn't do it the first time why can't I do it the second time? I asked SB and Cindy that question. If they had been drinking something they probably would have gagged. I managed to extract myself from what was becoming a very boring conversation about the quality of the fabrics each had used for their wedding dresses. Later, I allowed myself to imagine what my wedding would be like. I could see myself in a beautiful gown and The Heir and Spare in their bridesmaid's dresses. A beautiful Spring day on the water. Family and friends everywhere. Of course, my fiance and I would pay for everything. If for no other reason than to avoid any input from other's in the family using the excuse of footing the bill to make our wedding into theirs. Lots of beautiful flowers and wonderful food. A delicious cake and an awesome DJ. But, most importantly (and really the only thing that matters at all) the man that I love waiting for me at the end of aisle. Looking at me in my beautiful dress like he has never seen anything so lovely in his entire life. That first look and becoming his wife are really the only things that matter, after all.

The Fish Bowl

I'm constantly asked what's it like to live in the Royal palace. Everyone assumes it's all fancy balls and tiaras. Well, for my sister, Sleeping Beauty life is exactly that. She is the star of the family, after all. The "brand" if you will. Everybody knows her and loves her. I ask her if living up to the expectations is hard. She always looks at me with a loving but pitying look. She feels sorry for me but not because my life has been hard. She feels sorry for me because I'm not her and I don't have her amazing life. Honestly, I wouldn't want her life. There's way to much pressure. But don't think for one second that I, as The Spare, have it any easier. It's no secret in our Royal Family that I'm the disappointment. I'm not glamorous like SB or intelligent like our older Step-sister. I don't have a good job in the acceptable Family side line, Education, like the younger sister and the sister-in-law. I didn't marry a well-to-do nobleman. I married a commoner who, although he loved me, loved other things more and eventually left me for them. People that know me find it hard to understand why I prefer the company of my own Heir and Spare over any other family company. How could you possibly choose to go on "family" vacations with just your children? Why don't you mingle with your family at large family functions? Why do you avoid daily interaction with people whose company should give you comfort? It's very simple. We may not get along sometimes but The Heir and The Spare love me unconditionally and I don't have to work for that. Large family functions make me nauseous because of all the expectations and the perceptions. I don't want their sympathy and I don't need their approval. And the people who should support and give me comfort only see all the things I've failed at and the perceived embarrassment they have suffered in the eyes of their friends because of me. You would think I'm very bitter about it all and maybe in the past I was. But, I know now that someone out there loves me very much. When life in the fish bowl of the Royal Palace gets especially hard I close my eyes and see that person's face and know that one day soon this will all be over and my happily ever after will come at last.

Meeting The Family

There are many firsts in a new relationship.  The first kiss. The first time you eat a meal together. The first time you buy a gift and the first time you receive one. Seeing the inside of each other's houses and being a passenger in the other person's car. Saying "I love you" for the very first time. But, nothing compares with meeting the family for the first time. Sleeping Beauty and I have a friend who has started up a new relationship with someone that we all knew back in high school. The way they reconnected is sweet and romantic (and, according to my sister SB, proves fairytales exist.) She called us today and told us that she was going to dinner with her new guy to "meet the family." Yikes! I asked her if she was nervous. I reminded her that when the "family" doesn't approve it usually means the relationship is doomed a quick and sudden death. She wasn't concerned at all. The "family" in question was his 8 year-old daughter and she was bringing her own ammunition; her kids. She promised a full blow-by-blow when they got home and SB and I were waiting on the edge of our royal chairs. I was thinking about just how much weight the approval of an 8 year-old child could actually bring to bear. Is it possible for someone to end a relationship because a child doesn't like a potential mate? I pondered the reaction of the Heir and the Spare if I decided to find a new Prince. Would their disapproval really move me to end something that made me deliriously happy? For me the answer would be, "NO!" Kids never like major change. Any little disruption to their world can cause all kinds of havoc. But, kids are very resilient. In the end I think the Heir and the Spare would come to accept and then love a man in my life. After 10 years, I deserve a little happiness. The phone rang half an hour ago with news from our friend. Things were a bit awkward in the beginning but by the end of the meal everyone was getting along wonderfully. It even seemed to our friend that the "family" actually liked them after all. There was an excited discussion about dying our friend's dog and all three girls (the "family" and our friend's kids) were making plans with the new man to get it done as soon as possible. Sleeping Beauty asked her would she allow this to happen to the poor helpless Speck. Our friend said absolutely not. She was very happy to report to us that the "family" gave a big thumbs up on the car ride home. When the "family" approves all is right with the world.

Tragic Heir

Oh the trials and tribulations of a pre-teen girl. Both the Heir and the Spare were blessed with their mother's mess of a mouth. I spent a good part of my high school life in braces (much to the dismay of my high school boyfriend.) Now, history is repeating itself in the mouths of the Royal offspring. The Spare is still a few years away from the metal torture but The Heir on the other hand is not so lucky. Over the course of the last two months she has been slowly getting this crazy appliance called a Herbst Device put into her mouth. To the untrained eye it looks like a watered down bear trap. It's purpose you ask? The darn thing is supposed to move her jaw forward. When she's done she could possibly avoid braces, there's only a 50/50 chance that will be the case. Every couple of weeks a new part of the appliance has been added to give her time to get used to it. She was supposed to finish up last week but we had to reschedule due to a death in the family. Tonight, however, she was lucky enough to get the job done. The Heir would definitely disagree on the use of the word lucky. It turns out that the appliance has pushed her jaw so far forward only her two front teeth on the top and bottom are touching. Over the course of a few weeks things will start to settle and move back into place but in the meantime, no solid food for the Heir. None of her other teeth touch so she can't chew. She was very brave in the orthodontist office but once we left the building she burst into tears. The Spare and I had to endure 20 minutes of wailing on the car ride home. I know this may sound awful but it was all I could do to keep a straight face. I know, I'm the worst mother ever. But, when you think about it, it's really funny. The icing on the cake was the look of horror on her face when her orthodontist told her she could still eat the same things we ate for dinner, it just needed to be run through a blender. The thought of pureed spaghetti was almost to much for her to bear.

Gone In A Flash

Monday is the longest day of the week. After all the whirlwind of the weekend the beginning of the work week is such a drag. It is even more of a drag when everyone else has a holiday and you don't. As I continue to burn the candle in to the wee hours of the morning, it's so hard to get up to face the drudge of another day. I've found it especially hard over the last couple of weeks. Today, however, Monday was gone in a flash. Naturally, it helps the day move quickly when you have a lot to do. At least once or twice a week I have days like that. So much to get done and not enough time. That usually never happens on a Monday. Luckily, today it did. I was also spurred on by the the knowledge that I had something to do when the work day was done. The anticipation of a particularly enjoyable after work appointment does wonders to keep the day moving. That is, until the last hour of the day. Once the 3 o'clock hour arrived I found myself watching each second tick by. I had to check with some of my Twitter buddies to make sure no one was sitting on the pause button again. As the end of the work day slowly approached I could start to feel the hands of time begin to get a little faster. Then, of course, the evening sped by and now, it's 8:30 at night and the whole day is over. Why can't you drag out the fun stuff and make the boring work stuff speed by? I think I'm going to file a complaint with the man in charge.

Second Chances

Is it possible to get a second chance at something? I had the unexpected pleasure of visiting with my Royal sister today. I know, what a shock, twice in one month? Yes, apparently times being what they are, there hasn't been much opportunity for her to attend any galas lately. She mentioned something about budget cuts. Poor Sleeping Beauty. The economy is hitting her social interests hard. So, she decided another visit to the poor relations was in order. Yes, I tell her over and over that we're sisters and we both have exactly the same in the way of family standing. She looks at me like I have three noses and one eye. Anyway, I was telling her about the developments in my life over the past couple of weeks. A very rare opportunity surfaced recently and I was commenting to her how unbelievably happy I've been because of it. I never thought it would be possible to right something that went terribly wrong in my past. Who ever gets that chance? I'm sure everyone has something that they would go back and change even if it meant life as they know it now would be totally different. Karma and I had a falling out awhile back and never thought she would forgive me and give me a break. Looks like I'm finally back in her good graces. I asked my sister if she could believe it. She went on to tell me about her best friend, Cindy. She had it all and then lost it when her father died. She never thought she would get a second chance at her lost life until her godmother and a glass slipper came along. Now, I know this best friend well. Her story may seem amazing but it's just a fairy tale cooked up by her father-in-law to cover up her real family background. A Prince marrying a scullery maid is quite a scandal after all. I pointed this out to my sister who shook her head and wagged her finger at me. I've worked hard to live with and learn from the obstacles that have been thrown in my path these last 10 years. It seems that now, finally I could be rewarded for it all. The prospect of happily ever after for Sleeping Beauty's Sister was something I never thought possible.

Happy Valentine's Day

From all of us here at the Royal palace, have a wonderful day with those that you love!!

Change Is On The Wind

I find myself getting really restless again. Change is in the air and it's giving me the jimmy legs. Whenever I get this feeling it's impossible for me to concentrate on anything. I find myself lying in bed, listening to my iPod and waiting for the flood gates to open and set something, anything in motion. In the past this antsy feeling of mine did not lead to the change I was hoping for. My life has been spent in a constant state of uncertainty over the last 10 years. Most of that uncertainty was due to my stupid ability to let others dictate my life. What a dumb ass I am?! Well, now, I'm filled with an undeniable urge to do something really impulsive. I'm standing on the edge of a cliff and I'm so ready to jump off and let the winds of change blow me in an entirely new direction. Is it possible to do a complete 180 and take your life in a completely different direction? Throw away all the ridiculous expectations laid on you by others and do something not just out of the box but out of the storage container that confining little box is kept in. Right now, the Heir, the Spare and I are living a life that does not belong to us. Did we ever live our own life? I think we did, once long ago when it was just the Heir and I. Since then, I've been standing in the middle of someone else's idea of my life. I have not enjoyed it in the least. But, now, the restlessness is back and this time it's definitely different. I can't put my finger on what it is yet but when I close my eyes really tight I can see it hovering in the distance slowly pulling me closer. Is it good or bad? I don't know but I do know this time it will drastically change the course of my life and I am SO ready for it.

Out of the Hands of Babes

How old does a child need to be before you can safely trust them to make the right decisions? I was only home from work for a little while this afternoon when all hell broke loose. I heard The Spare screaming in the office and The Heir asking her if she cut herself. Oh, she cut herself alright. It seems that while she was preparing her valentines for the school party tomorrow, The Spare felt her bangs needed a little trim. Do you see where I'm going with this one? Only she didn't give herself a little trim. No, she scalped herself. My delightful and precocious daughter now has a little crew cut on her forehead. It took about 2 hours for her to calm down. She insisted there was no way she was going to school. I had to break the bad news that missing school was not an option. I don't think she realized how long she would have to miss school if I allowed her to stay home until her bangs grew out. There wasn't much I could do in the way of punishment. It was impossible for me to keep a straight face in her presence. I figure she'll get punished enough at school if anyone notices the damage. Ahh, the joys of motherhood.

Questions

How do you know when you've messed something up? How do you know when you start moving in the opposite direction from your intended path? When does it happen and why doesn't anybody warn you before you make that u-turn and start going the wrong way? Most important, once you realize what you've done how do you fix it?

70's Girl In A 21st Century World

I was born in the Disco era and grew up in the Decadent 80's. I spent my young adulthood in the carefree 90's and find myself now struggling to hold on to my sanity in the new millennium. There isn't a day that goes by now that I'm not totally amazed by something going on in the world. Whether it's some amazing new technology or some development on the world stage, there's always something new. I can remember quite well some of the things that we expected to have in the 21st Century. Hello, I'm still waiting for my flying car and my vacation on Mars. But, some of the things that have popped up over the last few decades are nothing that we could ever have imagined. I especially love watching old movies and seeing all the stuff that was hip and cool then. We're talking vintage stuff from the 80's and 90's, naturally. I was watching one of my favorites the other day; Pretty Woman. Man, I love that flick. Not only does Julia Roberts look like a child but I owned the exact same Sony Sportman that she's jamming too in the huge bath tub. I had to pause the movie and grab my iPod so I could stare in wonder at how far we've come just in something as simple as listening to music. Then,of course, there's the huge cordless phone Richard Gere is talking on. Compare that baby to my beloved Blackberry. It just doesn't stop. The high fashion on Rodeo Dr and the big hair are quite hilarious now but then I wanted those clothes so bad I would have gladly sold my little brother into slavery for it. Growing old is not something that i enjoy in the least but I'm so interested in what the Heir and Spare will have that makes my Blackberry and iPod look like dinosaurs. The possibilities are endless and I can't wait.

Living In A Hamster Wheel

I was visiting with my sister, the infamous Sleeping Beauty, over the weekend. We try to get together once a week to catch up on what's been going on. To be honest, it usually ends up being once a month because my dear, sweet sister doesn't like to be reminded of how boring life can be sometimes. As the star of the family, her life is a whirlwind of excitement. She is The Heir after all and  has lots of demands on her time. I, on the other hand, am The Spare of this sisterly duo. The only demand on my time is raising the next generation of Royals. A job, by the way, that gets increasingly harder the older they get. When my darling sister takes time out from the monologue of her life I do my best to bring her down to reality. Trust me, that's no easy task. The bulk of my life has been the same for the last few years. I feel like I'm running around and around on a hamster wheel and I'm going nowhere.  As I continue giving my sister the monthly recap I can see an eyebrow go up out of the corner of my eye. Something I've said intrigues her. Out of the blue, a dent in the wheel surfaces and has thrown me spinning in a new direction. When you're running the wheel you don't notice the slight change. It takes a second set of eyes to point out the obvious. The dent surfaced two weeks ago and darling Sleeping Beauty is killing herself trying to get the details out of me. They're all very mundane and boring, at least I try to keep them that way. But, my sister can read me like a book. She knows I'm hiding something. How do you explain to a girl like Sleeping Beauty the feeling you get when the wheel is stopped by a phone call in the middle of the day. A welcome and unexpected change to the monotony of the work day. Or how sore your face feels at bedtime from the constant smiling, I know everyone should be so burdened. When I wake up in the morning the big, shiny wheel is still staring me in the face. I still have to lace up my shoes and climb into it every morning. But, now there's a nice big dent in it that makes running around the wheel so much more fun.

Security Breach

Back in October '08 I gave myself a beautiful pink laptop for my birthday. I love this computer. I love being able to carry it with me everywhere. I love always having access to the Internet and everything that is important to me. Because the Heir and the Spare have absolutely no concept of privacy and respect for other people's belongings, one of the most important features that I had to have on my pretty pink baby was a fingerprint reader. I wanted to insure that there was no way those little buggers would be able to access my baby without my permission. So, naturally, they're always trying to get into it. I love the fact that it is password and finger print protected. I can always tell when one of them has tried to get into it because the password access has always been fooled with. It took them a few times to realize that no matter how many times they swiped their fingers that was not the way they were going to gain access. So, they're constantly trying to figure out the password. Well today, the Heir was trying to figure out the password as usual. I shook my head at her because I knew she would never figure it out. I have a very unique spelling for the particular word that I use. When she figured it out I was so shocked I almost flipped my recliner over. WHAT?!?!?! How is this possible? She was dancing and jumping up and down. Apparently, t-mobile had accidentally texted the password to our account to her phone and she just happened to remember it. My fault for using the same password on both. What a dummy. Well, it's since been changed and now I'm going to have to make sure I can remember it or at the very least don't get my fingerprints removed.

Let's Go Racin' Boys!!

Yay!! Nascar is back. I love stock car racing. The colorful, shiny cars. The roar of the engines. The hot drivers, Dale Jr. I don't know what it is about racing that I love so much. But, boy do I love it. The strange thing is I couldn't stand it when I was married. I would have rather stuck my finger in a light socket then sit with my other half and watch cars driving in circles on a track. Now, it's my favorite way to spend a Sunday. The pre-season has started tonight with the Budweiser Shootout. Then, in about two weeks the BIG race. The Daytona 500. I'm so excited I've got chills running down my spine. I can't wait to hear good 'ole DW say the 7 most famous words in racing... "Boogity, Boogity, Boogity! Let's Go Racin' Boyz!!" 

Male Martyrs

What is it with men and help? Why is it impossible for them to accept it, ask for it, or admit they need it? Can't figure out how to put that bookshelf together? Don't ask for another pair of eyes to look over the directions with you, just whack it with a hammer and see if that does the trick. Driving down a two-lane dirt road in the middle of nowhere? Don't listen to the GPS, let's go one more mile and see if the freeway magically appears out of thin air. Are you so sick that your very eyelashes hurt when a breeze blows over them? By all means, drag yourself to the convenience store in your pj's for that carbonated beverage. Never mind the fact that there's someone more than willing to take care of you when you're feeling bad, throw themselves under the bus for you so you don't lose guy cred by asking for directions and point out that actually the manufacturer of that bookshelf made a mistake and left out a page, of course it's not you. I'll never understand the mind of a man.

Drama Be Gone!

Hello God!! It's me Sleeping Beauty's Sister. Could you please spare me anymore drama for the time being? I've really had my fill and I need a little break. Oh, and a really nice guy who will give me back massages and start my car when it's freezing outside would be nice too. I've been alone for 10 years. I think I deserve it. Thanks God.

A Spring In My Step

I love the rush of a new relationship. Talking on the phone till the wee hours of the morning. Text messages back and forth during the work day. Letting your imagination run wild over the many possibilities for the future, all the while keeping the possibility it will go nowhere in the back of your mind. For someone like me who has been alone for so very long it's especially exhilarating. I may or may not be at the very, very beginning of a possible relationship. I choose to plead the 5th if anyone asks me. But, I find that I walk with a bit more spring in my step. I find myself smiling for no apparent reason what so ever. Being happy is a very nice feeling. I recommend it to everybody. Now, I realize tonight's tangent leans heavily toward the confirmation that a relationship may be brewing. You can draw your own conclusions if you wish. Right now I enjoy holding my little secret tight in my hand. The ignorance of those around me is sheer bliss. I thought that my change in demeanor would be noticed by someone. Apparently, those I come in contact with during the course of my royal duties must not pay any attention to me. In this instance that's fine with me. I continue about my day throwing out my wit to all who come within ear shot hoping it will mask what's really going on. So far so good. For now my motto is, "Silence is Golden." I will retire this post to the blogosphere and lay my head on my pillow to dream of the possibilities the future may hold.

The Guru

I've become known around the office as the guru of all things blog. It really is a flattering concept but so far from the truth. I can point to a million blogs that are so much better than mine. I guess it has something to do with being physically available to answer questions and show people how to do things. It's a little hard to say to the Vice-President of the company, "No, I'm sorry I can't help you start your journey in the world of blogging." That would be in very poor form.

Happy Anniversary!

Wow, I can't believe it's been 2 years since I started this adventure in blogging. I'll admit to dropping the ball big time for awhile there. Oh well, live and learn. I went back to the beginning to re-read some of my early posts. Holy crap! There's some funny stuff there. I can be pretty witty when I want to be. I don't know how many people read this blog. But, to all who do, thanks for sticking with me and I hope there was something that made you laugh.

Kids and Phones

Today was a wonderful lazy Sunday. Alright, the morning didn't start out so hot. I woke up stiff as a board. I couldn't move an eyelash. I pulled a muscle in my back yesterday and today nothing wanted to work. Over the course of the morning I started to loosen up. In the late afternoon I received a call from an old friend. Someone I hadn't spoken to in years. As I've mentioned before, Facebook is bringing all kinds of people from my past back into my life. A typical lazy weekend day will find me curled up in my recliner with my little pink laptop working my way through various travel agent training courses. The princesses are usually no where in sight. They're listening to music or watching tv. If I'm lucky they're outside riding scooters or on the computer. But, put a phone to my ear and all hell breaks loose. I don't understand what could possibly cause them to turn into rude, obnoxious freaks when I'm on the phone. This was a constant problem when they were little. At 2 and 5 years-old it's understandable that they can't entertain themselves long enough to allow me to use the phone. But, at 12 and 9? There's no excuse for it. The only consolation I had was the fact that the person I was talking to was an old high school friend. Someone I knew who has a child and can understand to an extent. The Heir and the Spare would say I was on the phone to long and they had things that they needed help with. Well, I got off the phone to tend to whatever it was they needed. Guess what? They had absolutely nothing that needed my attention. Nothing! Zip! Nada!! I was less than pleased. Can someone please invent a telephone strait jacket for kids so I can talk on the phone in peace!! Oh wait, I've got some rope in the Royal stables that should do the trick.