This Is A Test....

This is a test of the emergency insanity system. Had this been an actual emergency, men in white coats with a strait jacket and a syringe of Haldol would show up at your door and escort you to the nearest intake facility. This ends our test of the emergency insanity system. FYI, I find myself standing at the front door with my arms stretched out in front of me praying that they would hurry up. I only feel the need to do that on school mornings. Hmmm, I wonder why that could be? That's a question I'll save for group later this afternoon.

I Found It!!

What in the world? Yes, I found it. The Secret. SB thinks she knows what it is. Most of the world does to for that matter. But, they only think they do. Stop struggling to get by in this life. Stop worrying about all the bad that has happened to you in the past. Open up to the wonderful abundance the universe has for you. FORGIVE! I did that and the weight that has lifted off my spirit has been amazing. Now, if I can bring myself to forgive my dog for tinkling on my favorite shoes all will be right with the world.

The Million Dollar Question

"Who is the real Sleeping Beauty?" Many have asked this question but few (actually no one) knows the answer. She is a dear sweet sister. At times she's a bitch with a capital B. She always knows best (actually only she thinks she does.) I'll admit that at times she can be positively exasperating, especially when she's mooning over her Prince. Good lord it makes me want to throttle her when she gets started down that road. I love her all the same though. Secretly I'm glad she's the one with all the attention. I can slide by unnoticed most of the time. There's always those pesky royal spectacles that I have to be apart of. I try my best to get out of them but, unlike other family members who use sports and lonely pets as an excuse, I don't have much luck. On the other hand I usually do a good job of partaking of the royal liquor cabinets. That always insures a good time.

Back From The Edge

The end is near. School starts back up tomorrow. In the midst of the cold, when my nose was falling off and those kids were running around like tribal cannibals, only one thing kept me going. One day, they will go back to school. Now the Lord has answered my prayers. There will be school tomorrow. Of course, He could be playing a practical joke. A rogue blizzard could strike in the middle of the night. I don't think it's a far stretch to say that the Lord needs some comic relief now and then. He's so busy orchestrating the world's destiny. It can be a tiring business. Every once and a while I think He needs a little break. Watching my kids revert back to their primal instincts could very well be just the break He needs. I know I would be laughing my ass off if I was watching this. Now, if you'll excuse me I can hear them coming. I thought I covered my scent well enough but I'm not sure. I only have a few more hours to survive. Will I? Only a locked door and a bottle of rum will do the trick.

A Cold Night In H@#$

Power has been restored! God bless those power guys. It was so cold in our little castle on Wednesday night I thought for sure things would start falling off. SB managed to escape to warmer climes, something about checking on the country estate. Had I known we would be off school for so long I would have escaped as well and not necessarily with the little princesses in tow. I was wondering if we would all end up killing each other from lack of anything better to do. Well, to those who say what a great learning experience it was I say, 'What are you nuts? Give me a T.V. babysitter any day!"

Sephora

Boy, I've broken the cardinal rule of blogging; Thou shalt publish new posts frequently. Oh well, life gets away from you sometimes. When we last left off the little princesses and I were on our way to that holiest of meccas, Columbia Mall. We had a great time, especially at Sephora. We found so many great things I could have easily dropped $200 in there. Oh that I wish I could. The first thing princess number 1 said was how small it was compared to the two in NYC that we went to in December. Trust her to know already that everything is bigger and better in NYC. I personally would have liked to have been there by myself to peruse each aisle at leisure. Alas, that was not to be. I did buy the new makeup palette from LORAC. Talk about awesome. If you've never seen it get thee to Sephora.com and check it out. Sounds like a great idea if I do say so myself. What better way to brighten a cold, snowy day then clicking through the pages of my favorite website? Until the next time.

Mecca

I mentioned before the two most dreaded words in a little girl's language (Grocery Store) it's funny that one of the best words is MALL. I waxed angrily on the hallowed halls of retail before. I'm subjecting myself to that torture again today. We board the carriage and ride to the mecca (at least to us) of all things shopping. THE COLUMBIA MALL! Mecca for them because it contains a Disney store, mecca for me because it contains that which is holy to every beauty junkie, SEPHORA! (Lots of all caps in this one.) Posts later about what I find.

Digging Out From Under

One day off for snow and the whole world enters a black hole. I come back to work to find the King measuring neighboring offices for drapes, people packing up and moving out and water pipes frozen. It's enough to make you wonder if time really does stop when you're holed up in your house trying to defend yourself from pint-size zombies. There I was behind locked doors with nothing but a few fashion magazines, gum and water to get by (maybe it wasn't such a bad day after all.) I could hear them clawing at the door demanding lunch and something to do. All I could think is, "Calgon, take me away!' or maybe it should be, 'Why the @$%%# are my kids home from school today?" Meanwhile, things at the royal court were spiralling out of control. Today things are back to normal and I'm trying to dig out from under the chaos that is one day off. How these men can survive left to their own devices is beyond me!

A Blanket Of White

Snow always makes everything beautiful. Somehow the world seems quieter and cleaner with a blanket of snow. I walked the other Prince this morning and it was so peaceful outside. How does snow do that? Along with snow comes no school. That is enough to make anyone cringe. Entertaining small people can be a challenge. It's something usually reserved for the summer, when you can send them outside all day and peek out the window now and then to make sure they're still moving around. In winter that's not possible. There's that whole frostbite thing to consider. Luckily school is only closed one day, two at the most. We very rarely deal with whole weeks of no school. Ugh, the mere thought of that is making me nauseous. I think I need a drink.

Potty Politics

Have you seen the new toilet that Roto-Rooter put together? Something about every bell and whistle a man could ever want. Hello!! Which gender spends more time actually sitting on a toilet? Maybe we need to design something for us girls. Hey, at least give me a heated seat. It's so flippin' cold today, I can tell just by sitting on the office toilet. A man spends half his toilet time STANDING, is it such an inconvenience to sit that he needs an Xbox and a keg. It makes you wonder how they can run the free world.

One Of My Many Loves

I find myself on this freezing cold day, dreaming of one of my many loves. As a mother and the unheralded sister of the ubiquitous Sleeping Beauty, it stands to reason that I love anything that includes the name Disney. Here in our little kingdom it's about 11 degrees probably 5 with the wind chill but in Walt's Florida kingdom it's a balmy 48. "That's still pretty cold,' you may say. Yeah, well it's not 5 is it and, most importantly, it's not here. Most people I know think I'm a bit obsessed with the "World." I tend to agree but there's something about driving through the gate at the start of a vacation. Everything connected to home seems to fall away, like there's some kind of force field you pass through that keeps it all out. I no longer try to justify my obsession to those non-believers. There's no point. They can try to convince me how commerical it all is. My brain turns back to watching the fireworks at the Magic Kingdom or Illuminations at Epcot and the joy and wonder in the eyes of my kids. I love it, the little princesses love it and that's all that matters. It's our special place. We make a yearly pilgrimage the details of which will show up in this blog. SB is partial to Disneyland since her castle is there. Between you and I, SB's also a bit jealous of the phat pad Cinderella has now. But, it's something she and I can agree on. It truly is the happiest (and compared to my home a warm) place on Earth.

My Kinda Man

Why can't a human male be just like a canine male? That's a question that vexes me often. My dear sweet sister and I debate this frequently. SB thinks Prince Philip is the ideal man. He brings her flowers and candy whenever she wants them and whenever she doesn't. He battles fearsome dragons for her honor. He waltzes with her until dawn. Sure, that's all well and good I say but will he go to his room when you tell him to? The other Prince Philip, the furry, white, four-legged one, will cuddle on your lap with you and keep you warm. He'll bark fiercely at any leaf that threateningly crosses your path. He'll happily play keep away with the little princesses until all three are worn out. But, most importantly, he'll go to his room when you tire of him. How many human men will do that? Not many that I know of. Sure you can distract a man with a few special "toys" while you read a book or listen to something on your iPod. All to soon they tire of those and want to play more participatory games. And trying to enjoy a bubble bath by yourself, forget it. They don't seem to understand that not everything is a team endeavor. SB shakes her finger at me and tells me I need to be more accommodating. I say send them on a knight's quest for a couple weeks first and then we'll talk.

Chili Makes A Grown Man Cry

Why do men insist on doing things that they know are bad for them? The King, like all men, watched the Super Bowl last night. The Queen of his castle made chili for the guests who visited with them. Even though he knew it would cause problems, the King preceded to indulge in not one but TWO bowls. The reasoning behind this being that she makes such good chili. Where is he today? At home in the royal bedchamber, curled up in the fetal position due to lack of sleep and acid reflux. Which brings us back to that same age old question; 'Why DO men insist on doing things that they know are bad for them?" One can only wonder, for once SB and I agree. (And they think we're hard to understand.)

Roundtrip To Antarctica

Could it be any colder today? Walking the other Prince this morning felt like sunbathing naked in Antarctica. I don't mind the cold so much if there was some snow to go along with it. The two naturally go hand in hand. I spent a few years in Colorado during college and let me tell you they know cold. Not only do they know cold but they know how to handle the snow that comes with the cold. Here in our little kingdom a 1/4 inch of snow shuts everything down. Toilet paper and bread are being traded on the black market. Operating an automobile is like speaking a foreign language. What happened to the good old days when snow here in MD was no big deal. Big glorious piles of it to roll in and build snow forts. A week off of school with nothing to do but watch cartoons and drink hot chocolate. Sure we had to make up for it at the end of the school year but what a great time it was. I do love winter but without that blanket of white that turns even this dirty city into something beautiful it all seems pointless. I'm counting the days 'til Spring, you know that week in April before the humidity creeps in and the scourge of Summer returns.

Super What???

Super Bowl Sunday. I can't believe these men get paid the insane amounts of money they do. And 2 mill for a 30 second commercial? Good Lord, most of them were pretty bad. The only thing worth watching was Prince, natch, and Oprah and David Letterman. It's amazing to see how crazy people get. The Queen was whooping and hollering because the guy in white pants caught the ball and ran over the orange line. A line, by the way, that they can't even see on the field. The youngest Prince was mad because he couldn't hear anything. He left because of "other obligations." He was just pissed because no one else was taking the whole thing as serious as he. I did learn one thing from the Super Bowl, PRINCE KICKS ASS. I forgot how great he was. I'm going to have to add some of his stuff to my iTunes. I heard SB muttering about what the rain was doing to his suit. She knows what the really important things are. In this particular instance I totally agree with her.

Of Girls And Groceries

The two most dreaded words in little girl history; GROCERY STORE. What is it with little girls and grocery shopping? The mere sight of a market sends mine into convulsions. Do they not understand that this is the place that provides them with the food they so desperately beg for every 5 seconds of their waking day? No matter how lovely the day has been or how sweet and angelic they are, one step into the grocery store and I'm stuck with two raving mad lunatics. One is pushing, the other is screaming. By the second aisle I've got one holding on to each side of the cart just to keep them separated. As I'm the only one of SB's siblings that has more than one child, I can't ask anyone what they do in the same situation. The oldest sister has one child, if he's fighting with someone in the grocery store that may be cause for concern. The youngest is waiting for his to arrive. Some how I can't see the sister-in-law bringing theirs to the store. Germs and dirty surfaces come to mind. The stylish and benevolent Sleeping Beauty is definitely childless. I'm not sure she would even engage in the necessary practices to have children. I think she would find it to messy. What's the poor single sister of Sleeping Beauty to do? Duct tape and straight jackets seem to be in order.

All Is Quiet At The Palace Gate

In the still of the evening, how many times can you look back on the day and truly say you're satisfied with the things you've accomplished? I can't count to many of them. Today my plans included some much needed closet cleaning. Did it happen? Good lord no. Will I do it tomorrow? I should but it's doubtful. What would SB do? Well, my much adored and glamorous sister has more important things to do than worry about a messy closet. I'm not sure she even knows where hers is. We sit together and talk about the day. She lists the balls and courtiers she met. I tell her about the fights I refereed and the time-outs that were handed down. She thinks about what she wore to each event and how long it will be before she can wear each one again. A princess cannot be seen in the same outfit more than once. I wonder if I'll have the chance to shower tomorrow. In the end, who had the more productive day? The little princesses are still alive. In the end that alone is enough to deem the day a success. Now, if I could only convince the chambermaid that the mess in my closet falls under her twice monthly cleaning contract.

The Hallowed Halls Of Commerce

Holy crap! Can the mall be anymore crowded? It's not even Christmas. The little princesses and I braved the retail halls with another of SB's sisters. FYI, SB has 4 sisters (including me) and 3 brothers. The mall on a Saturday is insane. Good Lord! I've never seen such madness. Little princess #1 braved the piercing chair and had a second set of earrings put in. Using my crafty brain I had little princess #2 wait in the horribly long cashier line. I slid in, she slid out and the lady behind me pushed me aside and pointed to the back of the line. I politely pointed out that my darling little princess was waiting here and I was joining her. If looks could kill I wouldn't be posting this right now. What ever happened to love and kindness? It's been replaced with impatience and greed. The King will have to hear about this.

Saturday Morning Madness

Don't you miss the days of waking up early on a Saturday morning and surfing the cartoon hit parade? The only care in the world being, "What should I have for breakfast and do I think I can eat a piece of cake without Mom finding out?" Now I just want room-darkening blinds and a sound proof door. Inevitably, someone shows up lightly tapping to inform me that the other is hogging the remote. More often than not they're screaming downstairs instead. I know I have to rouse myself out of bed eventually but I'm wishing I had sent them over to the grandparents for a sleepover.

Friday Night At The Palace

What's a girl to do when she has nothing to do? I know what you're thinking, "Sister, you're father's the King. You have the kingdom at your feet!" Yeah, well, the little princesses don't take care of themselves. I'm a single mom, remember. In the dictionary next to 'Single Mother' it says "See SB's Sister." Don't get me wrong, I'm lucky to have the family around. The King and step-Queen live down the steet, the Queen and step-King live over the dale. I haven't had to pay for a nursemaid since the first princess was born. The prices those girls charge! But, let's be practical. The grandparents have raised their kids. The very joy that is 'grandparenting' is the ability to give them back. I don't mind so much being home. I tivo the week's shows and play catch-up all weekend. I don't have to worry about how the tiara looks. But, when the princesses are tucked in to their royal beds it would be so nice to have my own Prince to keep me company. Flying solo can be very tiring. Thunder storm, no one to take turns putting young royals back to bed. Projectile vomiting, after the patient is done there's still a bathroom to clean (I don't think the chambermaid will appreciate seeing that waiting for her when she comes for her twice a month house call.) It's Saturday morning and the other Prince doesn't know he should politely wait until a more respectable hour to use the "Out" house (or that there's no one else but me to take him to it.) Everyone knows that SB gets her Prince in the end. I'm still waiting for mine. You may wonder where is the Prince that brought forth the little princesses. There's only one word, GONE! I know another Prince is out there somewhere. Once he gets past the " family" and turns off the Xbox I'm sure he'll see that SB's sister isn't so bad.

The King and I

My day job is working for the boss of the family. We'll call him King Stefan, for obvious reasons. Many people ask if it's fun to work for the King. Yes and no I reply. On the one hand it's not hard to ask for a day off. Requesting vacation time is pretty easy. The little princesses can come to work when they're off of school. I'm pretty lucky in that respect. But, the man is my father. Do you call him Dad in the office or Your Majesty? Hm mm. Whether it's a funny video on YouTube or a questionable business expense the conversation always starts the same way, "Other Beauty, will you come in here?' said in a very stern, ex-Marine/Police Sargent way. You gotta love the King. When you make that walk into the inner sanctum you can't help but be a little afraid. After 30+ years my stomach still churns a little. The King is the master at keeping things close to the vest. You start to replay the last few months in your mind to figure out what you've done. What does he know? How did he find out? He is the King after all and the King has many spies. Sleeping Beauty did some things in her time, how many villagers had to give up their spinning wheels for nothing? But, Sleeping Beauty's sister is the one with the tattoo and the naval ring. Since the King may well read this blog I obviously will not divulge to many of the Other Beauty's secrets if only to insure that the little princesses do not become orphans. Well, maybe not orphans but I would hate to visit them from the other side of the dungeon wall.

A Cold Day At The Palace

Wow! This is my first venture into the world of blogging. I hope as time goes on this will get more interesting. Little does the world know that Sleeping Beauty has a sister. There's always one that the family doesn't talk about. The one that is overshadowed by the bright shining sister. Well, that's me. I'm the Other "Beauty." I'll do my best to tell the world what life is like in "Her" shadow. The exciting, the boring, the everyday stuff that "happily ever after" seems to ignore. Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus and Sleeping Beauty has a sister. It remains to be seen if my life is the real fairytale.